INTERIOR. MI6 HEADQUARTERS. DAY
James Bond enters the special weapons and equipment lab. Technicians are busy at their desks, working on computers or assembling complicated devices. Bond walks briskly towards a man in a white lab coat.
Q:
Good morning 007
BOND:
Good morning Q. What do you have for me today? I’m in a bit of a hurry – have to catch a plane to Paris. A Spectre agent has been spotted checking into the Hotel Meurice. This could finally be my chance to find where Blofeld has been hiding.
Q:
Ah, excellent news 007. Here’s your equipment for the mission. I think you’ll find this very useful.
Q hands BOND a large box. BOND opens it and looks inside
BOND:
What’s… this?
Q:
It’s an Amazon Kindle Fire, newest generation, with better resolution and improved battery life. If you slip this AmazonBasics GPS tracing device into your target’s pocket, you’ll be able to follow their every move on the screen of the tablet…
BOND:
It’s huge! This tracker is the size of a pack of Benson and Hedges! How am I supposed to hide this? And this Kindle thing… don’t you have anything a little more… discreet?
Q:
Oh Bond, you never change. Always complaining! Yes, the GPS tracker is a bit bulky but it’s only $9.99 if you order within the next 6 hours. As for the Kindle, this device is the most advanced tablet in Amazon’s line of e-reader/media devices. You’ll find it extremely useful. Also comes in pink, plum and periwinkle blue, if you’d like. Are you a Prime member, Bond?
BOND:
Am I a what?
Q:
Prime member. Because if you are, there’s a special offer that allows you to disable the ad-supported screens. Saves you quite a bit of time when the device boots up, and also gives you one day free delivery on most purchases. Truly a great deal.
BOND:
Ok, forget about this stuff. What about the explosive device I’m supposed to plant once I get inside Blofeld’s secret lair?
Q:
Ah yes, here it is. Conveniently hidden inside this Amazon Echo Studio bluetooth speaker. Just plug it in and then say “Alexa, initiate detonation sequence” and then walk away. The countdown will be convieniently displayed on this LED screen, which also shows the title of the song you are playing and a picture of the cover art, if you connect it with your Amazon Music account.
BOND:
This is rubbish. How do you expect me to work with this?
A man is seen entering the frame in the background behind Bond. It’s M, Bond’s new superior officer.
M:
You’ll make it work, double-oh-seven. That’s an order. Stop complaining and show some bias for action.
BOND:
Andrew Jassy? Amazon’s CEO? What are you doing here? What happened to the old M?
M:
Never mind that. You report to me now. Now, I understand that you might to adjust to our way of doing things, but it’s time to disagree and commit. Here’s your ticket to Paris. Grab your equipment and get going.
BOND looks at the ticket.
BOND:
What the hell is this? Basic economy?
M:
It’s called frugality, Bond. Just wait until you see what your new office desk is made of and you’ll understand. Now, get going and don’t forget to send regular status reports on your progress. The fate of the world rests on your shoulder, Bond. We’re all counting on you to drive a stake through the heart of Walmart… I mean Spectre. Good luck, 007
FADE TO BLACK
